Recognising when your children are stressed or under pressure

All children feel stress from time to time, but children react in different ways to stress.  Levels of stress are a normal part of life, but when stress is constant, or not worked through and resolved (which can often be the case for children), it can overwhelm the most resilient kids.

Under constant stress, some children will become physically ill, some emotionally withdrawn and nervous, and others aggressive, demanding, angry or attention seeking. Physically, when children are under stress, their heart rate may increase, their muscles may tense, or their breathing become more rapid. 

Sources of stress

Depending on a child’s genetic makeup and the environment in which they live, sources of stress will differ, as will their ability to cope with stress. Very young children are easily stressed by separation anxiety, changed situations, or new people and places. Older children may react negatively to a separation or divorce, the move to a new school, problems at school, illness or peer group pressure. Depending on the developmental age of a child, they may feel irritable, fearful, sad, angry or nervous. They might also cry easily, withdraw into silence or simply just lose the plot, and behave out of character.

Possible signs of stress

There are many signs of stress, and most children will exhibit one or two at any given time. This is normal. However, if a child exhibits a range of stress-related behaviours, especially for no apparent reason, the intervention of a parent or carer may be needed. If stress-related behaviours continue, it may also be appropriate to seek professional help.

Signs include:

  • aggressive behaviour: hitting, kicking, biting
  • temper tantrums
  • loss of appetite
  • nervousness and anxiety
  • clumsiness or significantly more accident prone
  • regressing to baby talk, stuttering, bed wetting or thumb sucking
  • hair twirling, nose picking
  • detachment or constant crying
  • not sleeping or nightmares
  • lying, defying authority
  • stomach aches, headaches
  • loss of concentration
  • significant changes in academic performance.

Helping your child cope with stress

  • Ensure your child is getting enough sleep and good nutrition.
  • Model coping skills and how to manage stress. 
  • Make yourself available and make time for your children – preferably every day.
  • Listen when children are ready to talk.
  • Give cuddles, reassurance, security or that special soft toy.
  • Help your children develop an emotional vocabulary so they can better describe their feelings.
  • Play relaxation games: deep breathing, listening to music, relaxing one muscle at a time or imagining a quiet place.
  • Limit the stimulation of television in favour of drawing and colouring in.
  • Make time for play, whether its dress ups inside or cricket outside in the park.
  • Provide finger puppets or drawing materials to help children express their feelings.
  • Sit quietly together to read stories, thread beads or count buttons.

Most importantly, if you see signs of stress in your child’s behaviour, turn the pressure down by cutting back on activities and hobbies. This may help to lessen any stressful effects of competition and give your child the opportunity to take life at a slower pace and make the most of just being a child.

More: What’s the Hurry?: Reclaiming Childhood in an Overscheduled World (Kathy Walker)